Ive been really fucking upset this week. Angry tears, proper rage and pressure cooker temper.
It all started with the horrific killing in Woolwich last week. I was in Brighton poorly with conference lurgy and hence in bed early when the news broke.
Like any rational human being I was horrified and sickened. Both at the act itself and at the jump straight to it being a terror attack.
Coz funnily enough, when a brown person gets killed by white people it's just murder.
My already pretty dodgy stomach lurched with the premonition that ramping up the rhetoric would bring out the scum EDL.
And predictably it did.
And over on Facebook I started the cull of 'friends' who had liked EDL statuses. The flags and the 'its our country, if they don't like it they can leave' bollocks appeared on my timeline.
And I was angry. I blocked anyone who posted this shit and got into a long and intense argument about why the hysteria and double standards were making me sick.
When I got to work, I was faced with one of those I had blocked. She was pretty pissed off with me and asked why I had blocked her. This reply goes to everyone that is no longer on my Facebook.
I blocked you because you are ignorant. I blocked you because your senseless posting of jingoistic, patriotic bullshit makes the EDL think they have a point. I blocked you because they gather strength and momentum from the bullshit bellendery you post and they think they are justified in marching past my fucking house on a Saturday afternoon chanting their message of hate while my neighbours cheer them on.
Most of all I blocked you because for the first time since the 70's my race is a thing again. I have to double risk assess leaving my home because I am a black woman.
Fuck you very much for that.
So yeah, I'm fucking furious.
Post what you want on your Facebook. Just don't expect me to stick around to see it.
And while I'm at it, not wishing to sound ungrateful and all that, this brings me onto white privilege.
I am aware that there are a lot of white people who are anti racist. Every one of my friends is the anti fash demo attending type and I love them for being the wonderful human beings that they are.
When I say I'm crying tears of fear and anger PLEASE do not tell me you know exactly how I feel. Because you don't.
Unless you had your school dinner spat in because 'thats what niggers deserve', unless you have had rocks thrown at your head, been cornered and attacked, sexually assaulted, ALL BECAUSE YOU ARE BLACK then you don't know how I feel. That is white privilege right there and I wish you would put that shit the fuck away.
This leads me nicely onto my last point.
On Saturday, as the EDL marched all around the country, Twitter responded in a way only Twitter can with the hashtag #EDLmisfortunes.
This gentle ribbing of the nasty fuckers by hoping they stepped on Lego etc split opinion. Some said it was a bit of fun, some said (including white people *stern look*) said it trivialized what people of colour go through.
Thing is, everyone has a different response and EVERY ONE OF THOSE RESPONSES WERE VALID.
I bloody loved it. It was the perfect valve for my pressure cooker anger and without it I may have misdirected my anger at my friends and screamed at them to check their privilege. That I had somewhere to vent made that easier.
My anger is best reserved for those who deserve it, not those who are my allies.
The EDL will be in my beloved adopted city again on Saturday.
See you all who stand against their hatred there.